2015 was my year of enlightenment. I rose from the world of ignorance into the great light of knowledge. I became more aware of what was going on in the world. I began to grow more in love with feminism. I had always been against gender roles and for equality but i did not know that was what feminism stood for. I made some of my best friends, reconnected with old ones, fell in love and also fell out of love. I became myself in so many ways. I loved myself more than ever before and began my proper transition from girlhood to womanhood.
My year was sunny for the most part but then a very dark and thick cloud visited towards the end. It threatened to steal my whole sunshine. One of the most important persons to me passed away and it seemed like it was all over. So this dark cloud succeeded for a while. My life became more and more of a struggle. I was scared for my life every single time. Maybe just maybe I could be the next. And that if God couldn’t keep someone I loved when I asked him to, how would he keep me. I smiled and went about my business but inside I was always crying. I was too selfish a person to let those tears come out. I wondered if I would ever get away from this dark thick cloud that haD stationed itself over my head. I had no one to comfort me, I had no one to share my pain with. It wasnt like I had nobody but I had this habit of keeping things in. I just had to repeat to myself that “no one cares”, “no one wants to be bothered by your problems” or “its your problem so fix it”.
I kept it all to myself for the most part and slowly it began to eat away at my soul. My relationship with God became non-existent at this point, completely mute. I was mad and angry, i wanted nothing more than to punish God. Silly me. but I also wanted the dark cloud gone. It seemed almost impossible. when someone you loved died, you seem to forget all the hurt they caused you. You forget how they did you wrong most of the time and they become angels in your eyes. And that’s exactly what happened to me. I was no longer mourning, I had immortalized him. In doing so, I invited this dark cloud. I’m not saying it was bad that i mourned him. No, he deserved it and much more. I just got too carried away.
Three months later and the beginning of 2016, I wouldn’t say that I’m over his death but I’m done with the cloud. I realized I had to let go and let God. I had to fight off the depression, I wasn’t going to let death win. I was way stronger than that. I was no longer going to call the cloud mine or own it. I was no longer going to let it stay over my head rent-free. My sadness had become very expensive and this cloud could not afford it. So I did what every right thinking landlord would do; kick the damn cloud out. And then I made my happiness affordable . I asked for a new experience in 2016. The chance to do better, to overcome dark clouds better and to be better. They say after the storm comes the rainbow. 2015 was sunny for the most part, then came a big storm, dark clouds and fog everywhere. its only the beginning of 2016 but I can already see my rainbow forming. I can see the red and orange and yellow clearly, with time the rest will come. I end this singing “storm is over now” by R daddy Kelly.